Why A Happy Marriage Is Not For Everybody

There are many reasons why a marriage does not work out. Among other things, experts will have you believe that couples who lack the benefits of a good education, live together when single, or get married at a young age, form the bulk of those heading for the divorce courts. There is no more than a grain of truth in this. Take the case of marriages that last only 6 months or a year - squabbles over money or adultery are unlikely to play a role in the parting of spouses. Statistics show that there is no shortage of well-heeled young people who took the well-orchestrated route to matrimony more than once, only to conclude: "The only success that has eluded me is that of a happy marriage."

For centuries, large families lived together, happily. Few young people studied beyond High School, and their spouses were often their childhood sweethearts. Men worked while woman stayed at home, cooked and looked after the children. Choices were limited and marital bliss lay in healthy companionship. In a strange, unexplainable way, happiness and boredom balanced one another. Dissent among couples was infrequent. Until the middle of the twentieth century, any conflict within the family was handled by the elders, friends or the clergy. Divorce was looked down upon, and happened only to those who were considered "most unfortunate".

Today, marriage counseling is big business. And what is disquieting is that it is getting bigger by the day. Sometimes people ask: "Does marriage counseling work?” The answer to that will depend on the expertise the therapist has. Most of them have little or no training in marriage counseling, and believe their knowledge and skills in individual therapy are sufficient.William Doherty, a professor in the family social science department at the University of Minnesota, USA, adds: " Traditional marriage counseling has no way to deal with people. It's been an area of frustration for a lot of marriage counselors."

Yet, there is no shortage of people who seek advice whether they should walk out of a marriage because they no longer feel the way they once did towards their partners: " I am not in love anymore" is a confession one often gets to hear these days. Possibly, one's feelings towards the spouse may have change dramatically. On the other hand, maybe not. Once the honeymoon period is over, life undergoes a fundamental change. Besides catching up with the work, and planning for a family and a future does takes its toll. The change in priorities can be unsettling for either partner. It is likely that it is only you who feels that way and nothing has really changed in your spouse that made you fall in love, in the first place.

There are many people who seldom display their emotions and live with the hope that something may happen and things will change, suddenly. They put in very little effort into their marriage and rush off to the divorce court as soon as their patience wears thin. On the other hand, there are other spouses who refuse to seek outside help or "throw in the towel". They believe in one marriage and give everything it takes to make a success of it.

Remember, no matter how insurmountable the odds may seem, a marriage will not end if both of you want to save it.

After retiring as a senior captain with an international airline, R.P.Bhalla spent ten years in the study of Social Sciences and Health and Wellness. An expert in Aviation Medicine and a Wildlife Activist, he writes extensively on Family, Health and Money matters.

http://makingup-your-marriage.com

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