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Deciding to form a committed relationship with someone is an important step. I am a strong advocate of spontaneity but I also believe you should be clear about what it entails in the long-run. This way, you will avoid committing some of the most common mistakes that plague so many couples. If you subscribed to my Newsletter, you read about the case of Olivier who re-ignited the flame in his marriage. We established a 45 days coaching program to re-create the lost attraction in his relationship. No later than yesterday, he and his wife enjoyed a proper date and they woke up this morning with a Honeymoon feeling they had not experienced in years. Like many couples, they let themselves be swamped by work, the kids and daily chores to the point of neglecting the romantic and intimate aspects of their relationship. It just took a backseat to other seemingly more urgent and ‘serious’ matter. Needless to say, a relationship has very little chance of surviving the disappearance of emotional connection and physical intimacy. So he went back to the basics and seduced her like he once did. In the early stage of relationships, there’s a craving for each other’s physical contact and long conversations. Physical attraction is triggered by a rush of testosterone which works in combination with elevated levels of dopamine. This is the chemical reaction known as romantic love which brings about, in most cases, an irresistible rush of lust. Incidentally, physical contact and orgasms cause the release of oxytocin, the hormone of trust and attachment. As a result, couple bond and form durable relationships. Like all good things in life, the effects of that initial chemical reaction wane over time. Couple find themselves in more of companionate relationship over time. While the attachment and the trust can be utterly enjoyable, it is not uncommon to see couples miss the initial spark of folly and desire. Before, they start seeking it elsewhere to the risk of damaging their relationship, couples would be well-advised to re-engage into a process of non-violent communication and address the issue. This entails expressing your emotions and clarifying your needs without issuing judgments. You will find that with dedication and practice, it is possible to reestablish lines of communication even on sensitive subjects. Ultimately, couples can and will find win-win solutions if they engage into this process of communication consistently. However, it’s not just about talking. Action is vital. Partners will need to innovate, learn and progress together. Taking a vacation on the other side of the world, learning tantric massage or playing music together are just examples of how partners can get out of their comfort zone and re-connect. This article is rather succinct and there would be a lot more to say and develop on the subject. If anything, I hope it will serve as an eye-opener for anyone whose well-being is undermined by frustration in his or her current relationship. Many among my readers spend considerable amounts of time in an office working on projects and improving processes. Yet, they seem oblivious of the fact that their marriage or relationship is one of the most vital projects they will ever be given a chance to work on. Loving relationships too could benefit from some of the management theory you might have learnt in business school. Namely, the fact that projects cycles can be divided in four stages. Formation: Members get to know each other and learn to get along Members organize themselves based on common goals and accepted rule Mobilisation: A team spirit is forged through action There is a shared vision of goals and priorities The roles are well-delineated Regulation: Disagreements or conflicts become to appear Weakening of the team spirit Need for clear processes and “win-win” situations Improvement: Need to innovate, to learn and progress together The experiences are transformed into learning (know-how) The performance and the ambitions grow. So if you’re relationship is on the rocks, it may simply be running out of steam. You are in the Regulation phase: you need to redefine your common vision, rules and ambitions together. This establish a solid base on which you can again learn to innovate and progress together with renewed energy and ambition. Corporations hire renowned consulting firms to assist them through these transitions. Similarly, you can benefit from the expertise and neutrality of a coach to make the best out of your relationship. Seif Sel is an expert author and blogger. He is the founder of all blackmailing, any rapped and any various sex life. He has uplifted honesty in his work, may it be a product to sell or a service about self improvement and spiritual growth.
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