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The economy is a mess, unemployment on the rise and the world is in the midst of a financial crisis, yet your spouse seems to be working more than ever. It's great that business is booming– or at least that’s what you think until you’re having dinner alone for the third time that week. It starts to become even more bothersome when your spouse is taking important work calls at all hours of the day and night and is so tired that making love is the last thing on their mind. Sound familiar? Then I’m sure the gut feeling that something isn’t quite right is also quite familiar to you these days. The sad reality is people cheat. The one who promised to love you and be faithful to you for all eternity may be cheating on you even if it’s something that you never thought they were capable of. You don’t want to believe it, but things are happening that is making you question their every move and slowly eating away at your relationship and your self esteem. When it comes to relationships we often tend to lose all common sense and see things through rose colored Glasses. It’s natural for us to want to believe that the person we love and married is wonderful and honest and this often leads us to turning a blind eye to suspicious behavior. Notice if the behavior that your spouse has been exhibiting were potential signs that he or she could be cheating. For instance if your spouse has been working late more often than usual then a surprise visit to their office may be the best place to start in terms of looking for proof that you dread to discover. If your husband has been having more ‘nights out with the guys’ or your wife has been spending a lot of time with a new friend she met at spin class, then this is another avenue you need to explore. Be honest with yourself no matter how much it hurts, no matter which methods you apply , the most important thing you can do is keep your cool. You need to refrain from accusing your spouse of lying and cheating until you have hard proof. By letting them know that you suspect something you are simply tipping them off that they need to be even more careful and cover their tracks better if they are actually guilty. Remember, not all affairs are the stereotypical secret lunchtime rendezvous or late night booty calls. Many affairs don’t even always involve actual sex at all! There are physical affairs where the cheater is having sex with people other than their spouse while an emotional affair may never develop beyond an attraction and even love for another person. Even though an emotional affair doesn’t involve any actual physical cheating, it is the type of infidelity that people find the most hurtful because it means that their spouse has strong feelings for someone else and may even be in love with another. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that it’s only men who cheat. While statistically it is men that tend to cheat more often with 50 to 60% of married men having at least one affair during the course of a marriage; women are not far behind! The number of women committing adultery is a startling 45 to 55% according to recent studies. Also alarming is that those numbers seem to be increasing every year. While men and women may both be almost equally guilty of cheating, there are some fundamental differences.Men are more physically and sexually driven than women as well as more prone to acting ont he urges of their egos. Getting attention from another woman strokes their ego by making them feel good and powerful therefore making it difficult to resist the advances. Women are naturally more emotional than men and tend to ‘feel’ more than men do. If something in the relationship is making them feel unloved and unappreciated they will look elsewhere for that love and affection that they feel is missing. A crucial fact when it comes to cheating is that it often starts with someone they already Know. The unusual suspects are co-workers, neighbors and friends. The reason for this is because they have the opportunity to spend time with these people and bond with them. Work and careers are such a big and integral part of our lives and we spend so much time building a “team atmosphere” than ever before, and it is likely your spouse has stresses he or she could not relate to you at home. As hard as it may be to see right now through all of the hurt and rage; most people are good and there are decent men and women out there who would never dream of cheating on someone they love. After retiring as a senior airline captain in his late fifties, R.P.Bhalla spent ten years in the research and study of Social Sciences, and Health and Wellness. A devoted family man, an avid golfer and dog lover, he writes exclusively on Family, Health and Money matters. http://makingup-your-marriage.com
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