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Nearly all marriages go through challenging or rocky times, yet there is an important line that should never be crossed—violence in the marriage relationship. Although experts believe only a third of domestic violence cases are reported, this issue still affects more than 32 million American families. Violence toward one’s spouse is never the right choice---whether you are husband or wife. What can you do when you or your spouse is struggling with abusive tendencies in the relationship? The Bible has much to say about violence as well as about the way to treat one’s spouse. Husbands are commanded to love their wives and never treat them with emotional or physical violence (Colossians 3:19). God requires husbands to love wives in all ways, not just in words. The root of domestic violence is disobedience to God. Furthermore, God requires husbands to honor their wives as they would their own bodies and for wives to honor their husbands: No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband (Ephesians 5:29-33, Message). Looking to God for the truth about marriage and living it out are the primary ways to conquer domestic violence in marriage. However, men or women who are unwilling to take this view of marriage, or who are hurt from past abuses and lash out at their spouses need professional help to overcome violent tendencies. Husbands and wives who are dealing with physical abuse in a marriage do not have to put up with the treatment. While God desires a whole, loving marriage union, he does not call for people to stay in a situation that is physically unsafe. This is not permission for the victim to hurt the perpetrator, but rather to protect themselves, remove themselves from the unsafe situation and trust that God will be the judge. Psalm 11:5-6 explains: “the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates…on the wicked he will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur; a scorching wind will be their lot.” If you are the one who is a victim in your relationship take comfort knowing God loves you and values you and wants the best for you. Do not be afraid to speak out and reach out to people who can help you. Turn to family members, loving friends, and church staff to help you through this time, and know that you do not and should not have to go through this alone. If you and your spouse are willing to go to God as a couple to improve the marriage, do not try to do it alone. Because domestic violence can be such a dangerous issue, it is important to go to people who can walk through the reconciliation process with you. It is of the utmost importance to make sure you, your spouse and children are safe at all times, even if you are trying to work things out and repair a damaged relationship. While it is possible for God to work a miracle in an abuser’s life, the abuser must be willing to change and receive significant help and Biblical counseling to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. It is important to understand that abusers know how to use language to make the victims believe they are sorry and will change. It is for this reason that letting others into your life to guide you and protect you is vital. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Whether you are in a domestic violence situation or know someone who is, you can find the help you need. Below are some resources to help you: • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 and http://www.ndvh.org/ • No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence by Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark • Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion by Barbara Roberts • http://www.focusministries1.org/ --website providing domestic violence, domestic abuse and spousal abuse help for women. © 2010 by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. For more info visit us at www.marriage101.us
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Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Jewell R Powell, The Marriage Coach, Marriage Coaching, Marriage101, Marriage & relationships, Marriage advice,
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