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And the rant goes on... I have been married for decades (to the same lady!) and my parents were married for 60 years. However, most of my friends and relatives have had multiple marriages. Does this suggest my parents, wife and me are "better" or more loyal; or are we more willing to tough it out; or were we brain-washed by the Victorian society in which we were raised, or do we dislike change, or are we thicker-skinned? What's the deal? After much study and thought I can confidently and emphatically say: Duuuh, I don't know...uhyulk, uhyulk. But I am certain had we not met are so-called soul mates (I abhor that cheesy label), we would have met and married somebody else; maybe several somebody elses. That said, it's a darned good thing (for me) that my parents hung in there (whew!). Sometimes we don't realize what a special gift life is. And how random! Had Kay and I not met, how many marriages, partners, shack-ups would each of us had? As mentioned above, after years of pondering and study and incoherently babbling, "Why, why, why?" I have concluded that there is really no such thing as a soul mate, a specific person for whom one is intended, that one great love. And that my friends is the name of that tune. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!!!!!!! No, no, just kidding (heh-heh). I wouldn't leave you hanging like that. See, songwriters, poets, fiction authors, and movie-makers have been misleading us for years! Why??? Well, dear reader, all of this drivel sells music, books, and movies. It's marketable, and we Americans love that. Everything is hearts and flowers---AND EVERYTHING'S FOR SALE! Yeth thir! Step right up... Am I being too cynical? Perhaps, so let's look at the other side of the coin. All this merchandise marketed by the love-purveyors is also romantic, and romance makes us feel good. We get that glow, that tingle, that stirring in the loins...major wood... No, no, wait a minute, strike the last one. That's (drool) lust. Some of us can't tell the difference. Anyway, even though our lives are less than perfect, romance helps us believe at least some sort of mini-perfection and contentment are attainable during this life and in this world. Ideals almost always tend to make us mellower and more civilized so I say, up with ideals! I like them too. Come to think of it, the possibility (actually PROBABILITY in keeping with the weird science theme of my last epistle) of having many good loves instead of one great love isn't such bad news is it? If we're completely honest that's what happens most of the time anyway, right? What are the statistics now? 50 to 60 percent of all "soul mate" marriages fail and end in divorce? You start out as the person you pretend to be, and intend to stay that way; then one day you're not--and neither is your partner. (Hey, look at it this way: If 50 percent end in divorce, the other 50 percent end in death.) Even long-term relationships turn into mere peaceful coexistence in many cases. The familiarity and companion side of the liaison often overcomes and replaces the romantic side causing the bond to evolve into one of friends no longer lovers. Marriage suffers the old "bed death". I do not dispute the fact that a minority of fortunate couples have both companionship and "activity". How about a little personal experience to compare with your own? First, a woman has never called me for a date, but I have been approached in a bar. (After a couple cocktails I probably look better; just like the "brown-bagger" specials we guys used to settle for as the bars were about to close.) Understand this was all back-in-the-day, nondisclaimer, nondisclaimer, bullshit, bullshit. Ah, those neon nights; and OMG those mornings after! Mostly I was never the sort to whom women were initially attracted. Of course, that changed somewhat with locality. For example, in my Midwestern hometown my reputation as a smart aleck didn't endear me with our local princesses who I assumed were looking for a more serious, conservative beau instead of a wiseguy trouble-maker. BUT, on the west coast (meat market of the world) where the ladies were significantly more attractive than those of my hometown, my wiseass attributes were an asset. Hoo-hah! That said, if I wanted the realtionship to last more than a date or three (the magic horizontal activity number!), I had to pretend to be a bit more serious, but sooner-or-later I always blew my cover. (COMMON CAUSE variation, remember? We cannot basically change who we are.) That said, most associations were mutually beneficial, and ended with goodwill and friendship. However (sigh), I must admit sometimes I just couldn't help myself and blew-out the first date. When someone throws up a lob you just have to hit it out of the park, y'know? Let's examine how I met and established relationships with the fair sex. We'll start with physical traits. I'm tall, slender, fit, possess a certain amount of charm, and have a good (if off-beat) sense of humor. I have a full head of hair cut medium length that is bleached blondish by too much sun and too much chlorine. (I swim laps year-round.) My looks are no better than average with a face punctuated by a nose that is a bit too large. I understand that ears and noses never stop growing. Man, am I in for it! On first impression, ladies have told me the following: 1) I seemed more interested in goofing around than in them, 2) I was standoffish, and/or 3) my humor was too "camp" or "out there". I dispute none of this. It was apparent that I needed time to establish a rapport (that is, for those I didn't "run-off" upon first meeting). I needed time to create a favorable impression. Most of the women found they actually enjoyed my humor, but it took a while. (Aside: my wife, Kay, doesn't think I'm at all funny. She thinks I'm too unrestrained. Geez, I wonder how I faked her out?) Anyway, I had to take it slowly and give the fair maidens a chance to get used to me. That "getting used to me" phrase always seemed to be a prerequisite among females who got involved with me. Like Popeye said, "I yam what I yam", which is (all together now): COMMON CAUSE variation! Meanwhile, if a handsome charmer with a good impression came by, I unceremoniously got the boot. I'm not sure what causes a good impression, but some guys exude it like magnetic pheromones. Our son is one such person. He has "it". Females have always circled him. Other examples are certain actors. Decades after James Dean crashed his Austin-Healey into a dirt sandwich, our teenaged daughter saw one of his movies on the tube, swooned, and wondered who is that super hot guy. There seems to be a definite male physical profile that connects with many women. I see it too, but cannot accurately describe "it". Some of it is clearly physical appearance, some is eye contact, and some is manner of conversation. All of these and other traits comprise "it". Guys who have "it" cause a definite physical and chemical reaction in women. Unfortunately, I possess the antidote that causes retraint. But, think about this: What if I could clone myself? What then? How would the two of us compare in choices and experiences with the ladies? Tell you what I think: I think we would have totally separate experiences and mates as different as night and day! WHAT! you say, CAN YOU BACK THAT UP? Yes, indeed I can. Be sure to catch my next and concluding episodes in this series entitled, ATTACK OF THE CLONES and CONCLUSION. Copyright by Gene Myers Author of AFTER HOURS: ADVENTURES OF AN INTERNATIONAL BUSINESSMAN, AEG Publishing, New York, NY (October 2009) website: www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/AfterHours.html Also available from www.amazon.com and www.barnesandnoble.com and www.borders.com Author of SONGS FROM LATTYS GROVE, PublishAmerica, Baltimore, MD (August 2010)
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