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Modern society does not treat the institution of marriage with the respect it deserves, and we all have been affected negatively by this loss of values. Whether we grew up in a broken home or love someone that did that, pain is very real. The number of children that are subjected to their parent's arguments and animosity does a lot to explain the level of anger we see in today's youth. What can we do to lower the level of divorce in this country? When is divorce the right decision? How can we limit the amount of damage divorce does to the children involved? I think part of the reason the divorce rate is so high is that people feel that it is an option. If you go into a marriage thinking "I can always get a divorce if I don't like this setup" you are setting yourself up for failure. Before choosing to get married we need to really consider the seriousness of this decision. The choice to marry has emotional and legal consequences and benefits. By choosing to marry you are following a tradition of pledging the rest of your life to be devoted to this one person. I suggest pre-marital counseling to ensure that both parties have the same level of devotion and hold this sacrament to the same level of importance. Sometimes people enter a marriage with the best intentions only to be surprised by the situation they find themselves in. Divorce should always be sought in circumstances where abuse is present. No one deserves to be mistreated and the sooner you walk away from the abuse the stronger you will be coming out of this bad situation. Abuse will break you down over time, so if abuse is present in your marriage the time to exit is now. Any other malcontent can be addressed as long as both parties are invested. Marital counseling should be a great way to discern the amount of energy both parties are willing to put into this sacred agreement, and a counselor should be able to suggest changes and new ways of thinking that could benefit a rocky relationship. Although it is sometimes necessary, divorce is not a decision to be taken lightly. But what happens when divorce truly is the right decision and there are children involved? I think that there are some general rules that will benefit every family in this situation, and that the rest needs to be catered to each individual family. Children need consistency, of rules and repercussions as well as the expression of love that they receive. Do not try to compensate for the emotional difficulty of a divorce by giving in to your child's wishes. Always consider whether you would be behaving as you are if there wasn't that particular unpleasantness as part of your child's life. Make sure that you make time for the kids, even though you may feel drained and unhappy yourself. Ensuring that the children get family time, even if it happens a little bit differently now, will ensure that the children still feel important. Buying things for them will not. Discipline is at least as important in stressful times, so make sure that you are consistent with your children. They may not like it, but it is truly what is best. And of course keep the arguing and animosity away from the kids, they do not need to see it or be forced to choose sides. Divorce is a necessary evil. No one goes into marriage planning to get a divorce, but seeing it as a constant option may sabotage an otherwise healthy marriage. By going into a marriage with great seriousness we can limit the number of marriages ending in divorce. By knowing what situations make divorce acceptable we can prevent the avoidable divorces from occurring. Even with all the thought, planning, and commitment there will still be situations where divorce is the right decision. As long as we can be adult in these cases we will be able to limit the pain and damage that the children involved are subject to experiencing. By placing the importance on marriage that was once there we can undo some of the negative effects that have been occurring in our society. Author Credit: Gabriella Gometra builds sites on sundry topics, such as http://toddlerridingtoys.org, which has information about toddler riding toys and power riding toys.
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marriage, divorce, counseling, commitment,
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