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It is all too common in our culture for people, especially women, to look down upon wives who choose to put their dreams on hold in order to support their husbands. After all, these women are setting aside professional goals, college educations and career momentum to help promote their husbands’. Why would they do that? At first thought, this type of behavior may seem old fashioned or an example of sexism, but is it possible that this selfless act of a woman is honorable? Perhaps a woman who supports her husband’s life goals is indirectly enriching her own life and, thus, paving the way for even greater success in her own professional career someday. I remember the day Lewis asked me to give up my career to be a stay-at-home mom. I cried, thinking he was trying to control my life. I was moving up the ladder quickly, had just finished my Master’s degree, and was making pretty good money at that time. To give up my career while he continued to live out his dream was very hard for me. Selflessness is nearly a foreign concept in our world. While the self-help books tell you to put yourself first, the messages we receive through Hollywood, the media and corporate America is that it is okay to trample the other person—just take care of yourself; that’s the way to survive and succeed. The problem with this type of life philosophy is that success doesn’t equal happiness, and selfishness almost always leads to dissatisfaction, even if one has achieved ultimate success. Philippians 2:3-4 explains it this way: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” After seeking God about it, I decided to leave, opening myself up for God to use me how ever He wanted too. I started helping Lewis with the business but my heart wasn’t in it. I wanted to work toward my own destiny, my own business. I felt as if I was giving up my dreams to help him fulfill his. I finally realized, years later, that working with him in the business was preparing me to have my own. The Bible tells us in Luke 16:12, “And if you have not proved faithful in that which belongs to another [whether God or man], who will give you that which is your own [that is, the true riches]?” Consider strong women like Michelle Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton. They have in some respects put their careers on hold for a time in order to support their husbands’ political endeavors. Instead of focusing on personal achievements and success they have put their efforts behind their husbands’ political campaigns and work. Because of their sacrifices, their families have been able to serve our country in the very highest office. Rather than being unfulfilled and miserable, they are honored and blessed, because they have chosen to play a supportive role. Actually, they play the ultimate role and purpose that defines marriage. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” Working with Lewis was definitely a challenge and it tested our strength as a married couple, but we are so much stronger for it. We are now truly living out God’s plan for our lives with our business and marriage ministry. Loving someone enough to sacrifice and support them is not self-punishment or the destruction of personal dreams. Please understand you are not being left behind as you support your husband’s goals. Instead, you are promoting your family’s calling and opening yourself up to the amazing blessings God wants to give you as you live your live according to His plans and purposes. According to Matthew 10:39, whoever finds his [or her] life will lose it, and whoever loses his [or her] life for His sake will find it. It only makes since in our journey of marriage that we should focus on the characteristic of serving others—particularly our husbands. We will undoubtedly receive blessings for such selfless act of serving. © 2009 by Jewell R. Powell, The Marriage Coach and Author of Marriage 101: Building a Life Together by Faith. For more information, Visit her at Marriage101.us
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