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As a parent, the interest of your kids is always the uppermost concern in your mind. And when you divorce, you may no longer be a spouse, but you still remain a parent. It is your responsibility to ensure that the atmosphere and situations at home leading up to the divorce and during the divorce do not scar your children forever. Remember, if the issues are insensitively handled, children can carry the emotional baggage all their lives and it can affect their lives in several ways including an inability to form committed relationships. Surely that is the last thing you want. First face the facts. Whatever people say and whatever obscure researches you look up online to the contrary, the simple undisputed fact is that children are affected by a divorce. Sorry, that is the truth, whether you like it or not. So perhaps the first thing to consider is whether you can work things out with your spouse. I know no two circumstances are alike and in some cases, this may just not be an option. Once you are sure you are going ahead with the proceedings, sit down with your spouse and make a few ground rules on how to act (or not act) around the children. Always be aware of what you say or do in front of the children. If they are old enough, you can have a talk with them as to why you feel it is best for you and his dad (or mom) to go your separate ways. Such talks have the best effect if you and spouse can do it together. (You probably can't stand to be with your husband in the same room, but do it for the sake of your kids, you owe it to them). The important point to get across to children is that the divorce is about both of you and not about them. You would be surprised to hear how many kids blame themselves for their parents' break up. Convey by gestures and words that you still love them and nothing will ever change that. Another important tip. As a divorcee, you are bitter and may have unresolved issue with your spouse, but your child is not the right person to discuss them with. Never undermine your spouse's role as a parent, whatever your issues with him/her. Remember you made the babies together and your spouse loves the children as much as you do. It may be a good idea to seek divorce help from online groups or forums. People who are going through processes similar to yours are willing to share experiences on how they are coping and that may help you learn a thing or two. Divorce is not easy on you, agreed. But you have to ensure you don't make it hard on your kids. Ara Hovsepian, happily married himself, understands how divorce is often the only solution for some people and urges divorcing couples to devote time and effort to make the process as easy as possible for their kids. To know more about how to make divorce easier on your kids and to get some free divorce help, visit http://www.aboutadivorce.com.
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