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Assertiveness means communicating clearly about your own thoughts, feelings and needs without disrespecting others' thoughts and feelings. It is an achievement for your parents that you practice respect in your home by saying please and thank you and by being concerned about the feelings of other people. But it is also important that you learn how to stand up for yourself when you are with other children so that you will avoid being taken advantage or bullied. Assertiveness doesn't require you to be aggressive in order for you to get your message across. You can simply express your own wants and needs without being bossy. It just simply means that you can stand up for yourself and confident enough to express those needs and wants. Being pushy will drive away your friends and they will find it uncomfortable to deal with you. For instance, you are playing in a playground and suddenly one of your playmates snatched your toy and played with it. You must understand that it is okay to tell him or her that it is not good to get others' toy without asking permission. It is the proper time to stand up for yourself and not just to give in to your bossy playmate. When he or she would not listen to you, then it's the time that you can tell it to your parent or to his or her parent. Through this, your playmate will learn to recognize his or her mistake. It is always okay to decide for yourself. You don't need to copy your friend's likes or dislikes in order to assert yourself. If your friend likes pizza and hates fruits, you don't have to do the same. Each one of us is unique and you have the right to choose the foods you want to eat. Saying "No" to your friend doesn't mean that you are not his or her friend anymore. For example, if your friend wants to play and you have to do something, you can say it to him or her that you are not available at the moment. If he or she is a true friend, then he or she would understand. But a friend who doesn't respect others' decision is not worth having. Always remember that you have the right to express what you think and feel without hurting other people. And you don't have to be a follower of your friend in order for you to fit in to a group. You will be more confident if you learn to be happy with the way you look and feel and being able to assert yourself confidently. This will make you into a successful, friendly and contented adult in the future. For more transforming strategies for ADHD, visit http://askdoctorjohn.info/
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