|
Talking about adoption is not an easy thing for anyone involved. In years past, families frequently opted not to tell children they were adopted. Today, psychologists strongly recommend against keeping this important fact from children. Unfortunately, it may be hard for parents to figure out when to have this discussion with their child, or how to explain what may be a devastating scenario. Here are some suggestions recommended by mental health professionals. The Right Time to Disclose Adoption The obvious answer here is that it depends on the family. For those who adopted a newborn or infant physically similar to themselves, family and friends likely view the child as a natural addition, not unlike a biological child. If the child came from a different culture or ethnic group, they may (unconsciously) hold reservations that the child is truly “yours.” Strangers may likewise question you, sometimes awkwardly. Children are observant, and even if no physical differences are detectable, may begin to ask questions. Experts say it’s important to explain adoption as early as you can, in infancy if possible. Otherwise you may get ambushed with a question you aren’t prepared for, possibly in the middle of the supermarket. What to Say to Your Adopted Child It is important for you to practice your words, either in your own mind or by role-playing with a trusted family member or counselor. If two parents are involved, it is equally important that they express the same message. Experts advise using language that fits the developmental level of the child. Be honest, but in a way that is appropriate for the child to understand. Never embellish or sugar-coat the story. It’s much better to admit you don’t know than to fill in the holes of your child’s story. Your child will grow up and develop questions he or she was unable to form as a toddler. It may seem easier today to soften the details, but doing so with fabricated information can harm your child later in life. Above all, never be afraid to use the word “adoption.” Some parents feel this word is taboo, but that approach can cause children to become overly sensitive about their place in the family. How to Say It Psychologists and other mental health professionals agree that using the storytelling technique is most appropriate when explaining adoption to infants and young children. Parents are encouraged to talk openly and often about the topic in a way that is calm and matter-of-fact. Repetition helps children synthesize difficult concepts and those that are emotionally difficult. Never refuse to discuss any aspect of the situation, and talk freely about it with family members. Help young children find ways to express their feelings. If they don’t have the vocabulary to express how they feel, encourage them to draw pictures or act out scenarios with their toys. Model the kind of responses you want your child to have when talking about adoption with others. Most important, underscore every interaction with affirmations of love and unconditional support. Some adopted children, particularly those who have emotional or developmental challenges, need the help of a professional counselor. Children who are adopted later in life, especially if they spent time in foster care, may require more help than parents are prepared to give them. For those preadolescent or adolescent children, the important process of developing their own identity may be hindered by adoption issues. Seek the services of a professional counselor or specialized residential treatment facility that understands the challenges of talking about adoption.
Related Articles -
adoption, children, child adoption, adoption issues,
|
