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I was raised among fairly stern Dutch Calvinists in the Midwest, sofor most of my life I had a strict definition of the AmericanFamily -- one bread-winning dad; one stay-at-home mom; two kids(preferably one of each); one dog (preferably an LL Bean brand likea golden retriever), a quarter-acre of manicured, dandelion-less,Scotts Turf-Builder grass; and an American flag on the front porch.Such families were quite common during my childhood in the 1960s. Ihad one, and it worked for me. So I still remember the day 20 years ago in the early 1990s whenJames first visited the church I was serving at the time. After heintroduced himself to my wife and me while shaking hands after theworship service, my loyal bride says, sotto voce, to no one inparticular, least of all me: "Whoa!" The exclamation point isimportant. I say, "I beg your pardon?" She says, "What? You didn'tnotice that Hollywood hair and the chiseled physique?" Aggrieved, Isay, "No, as a matter of fact, I didn't." The next Sunday, James shows up with a tall blond and says to me,after worship, "I would like to introduce you to my husband Evan." I had two instant, almost precognitive, reactions: First, reliefthat James turned out not to be the competition; and second,surprised speechlessness. That was the first time in my life I'dever heard a man talk about his husband. From a legal standpoint,back then, there was no such thing as a gay husband, of course, butthat's how James and Evan thought of their family unit. So over the next seven years my strict definition of the Americanfamily became more flexible. Like many -- probably most -- of those North Carolinians who votedfor a same-sex marriage ban last week, President Obama believes the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures to be God's unique and authoritative guide to the shaping of thehuman family and community, but in the president's case, his livelyand very public Christian faith, he declared last week, is leadinghim to expand upon, rather than to maintain, an ancient definitionof the American family. But of course over the centuries, changing faith communities havebeen modifying their understanding of the biblical definition offamily, which is not nearly as unambiguous -- or helpful to humanflourishing, for that matter -- as we have pretended. Today we are rightly horrified when a man impregnates hishousekeeper, like Arnold Schwarzenegger ; but centuries earlier, Abraham, the hero of Genesis and thegreat-granddaddy of Jews, Christians and Muslims, did the samething without similar rebuke. Likewise, modern men who have 700 wives, like King Solomon , get arrested. Wives are no longer property, and today, when you get tired of your"property," you can't just put her out on the street withoutvisible means of support. Our ancient default definition of family -- one dad, one mom, twokids, and a golden retriever -- might be the greatest idea ever,but it's not the only way to get it right. We know that singlemothers often raise wonderful children. We know that single fathersusually raise wonderful children. We know that grandparents step into nurture beautiful families. We know that unrelated guardianslike adoptive parents and foster families love children intoloveliness and grace them into gracefulness. Even Mitch and Cam and Lily from "Modern Family" are comicallystumbling their way into grace as an inept thrown-together family,but then we're all inept amateurs in the art of child-rearing. OK,"Modern Family" is a fiction, but you see the point. One woman who promoted the same-sex marriage ban in North Carolinalast week said, "We're not anti-gay; we're pro-marriage." Thatcomment just stuns many people of faith, like me, into silence. Wedon't understand how withholding the gift of legal marriage tosame-sex couples even comes close to promoting the institution ofmarriage. If you think a lifelong covenant of fidelity is a greatidea, it seems to me you would make it available to as many familyunits as possible, even the unorthodox. Gay people deserve theGod-given gift of family too. I wish more good folk would ask themselves, "If my child turns outto be gay, what do I hope for him or her when he or she falls inlove and wants to raise a family?" William A. Evertsberg is the Senior Minister at the First Presbyterian Church of Greenwich . The e-commerce company in China offers quality products such as Indoor LED Spotlights , Chandelier Candle Bulbs, and more. For more , please visit Frosted Light Bulbs today!
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