Let’s face it and be frank about the legal system, the deck is stacked against fathers. Why? The precedence and history of of deadbeat fathers abandoning their children. Rationale ranges from not wanting to accept responsibility for their actions and just wanting to continue to live a rock and roll lifestyle. In fact, losing custody of their kids is actually appealing because then they can party and just set up a new franchise if you will, with another woman. Now, this probably resonates with fathers who have conceived children without intent (like my first daughter) versus a completely different mindset/perspective of fathers going through a divorce. The point is, fathers fighting for custody have an undeniable uphill battle of history, precedence and social bias. Almost nothing we can do in our lifetime can change this so let’s just acknowledge it, accept it and move on because not all hope is lost. All you need to do is prove that you are the EXCEPTION to the normal rules and labels society has placed on dads being deadbeats. I want to take some time to address deadbeat dads and biology. I understand there are numerous scenarios and circumstances which may corner some into resignation and therefore, abandon and relinquish their responsibilities and custody of your children. As a parent, I know that there is this innate, natural desire to have a relationship with their offspring regardless of the challenges that lie ahead. You have the choice to take the easy way out and just quit or you can FIGHT for your kids. I would fight to the death and sacrifice my own life for my children in a heartbeat and I know the vast majority of you feel the same way. For men, we are equipped to fight physically in battles, wars, or with the next guy that disrespects you. When it comes to emotional, psychological and intellectual warfare we are no match for women at baseline. Women have been training with these tools their whole life. This is why chick flicks, talk shows, and tv and movie dramas are so prevalent. Now the key words are, “at baseline” and without the proper guidance or training we are no match. We have to just change our approach because we are literally programmed (primitive brain called amygdala) to fight physically and this will just lead to restraining orders and parental restriction. When people feel threatened, this primitive brain takes over and you either fight, flight or freeze. Therefore, I implore you when you are arguing with your ex and emotions take over, be cognizant of this natural response to threats before something transpires that you regret. Trust me, I’ve been there myself and have given her the F bomb and wanted to just strangle her. I know it’s so damn difficult but please, take deep breaths as this will buy you some time during this amygdala hijack. The oxygen will also provide blood flow to other parts of your brain that are responsible for higher level functioning and thinking. This is key because again, we are not trained to fight women in non-physical warfare and could potentially give us an edge since we are now aware of our biological response. We can transform our abilities to fight physically and re-direct this energy to fight emotionally, psychologically and intellectually; Be the exception to the rule. The mission of this site is to help fathers fighting for the right to be involved in their children’s lives. I intend to arm fathers with valuable knowledge, wisdom, experience, tips, inspiration and support for fathers aspiring to pursue AND retain at least equal custody of their children. As a collective, we can help others battle and take the first steps of altering the legal bias against future fathers. Are you going to run away or fight?
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custody, fatherhood, parenting, fighting fathers,
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