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INDIA: NEED GENUINE FRIENDS GENUINELY India is a country of many varied religions, cultures, attitudes and is one of the largely populated countries in the world. It is still heading towards becoming a developing country and in some areas heading backwards compared to all developed countries such as Infrastructure, Emergency services, Conservative attitude of looking at relationships etc. This article will give a brief idea of Indian people’s mentality about observing man-woman relationship in general, about what goes in their mind when they see men and women together who are just friends, about why they have been so very conservative in this aspect since centuries, about how Social Networking Sites (S.N.S.) are helping people to have likeminded friends around the globe and repercussions of it. There are some funny concepts still practiced in India about looking at man and woman friendship such as two ex lovers or ex- spouses can’t be good friends or male and female just can’t be only friends, there must be some love relation between two opposite sex friends, two working partners can’t be just friends who are either single or married. Common people get shocked or open their mouth in wonder when they see ex-spouses talk even after their divorce or meet sometimes. E.g.:- if a woman after her divorce meets her ex-husband, who is a famous and rich person, people from society, whoever sees them make some funny statements righteously behind their back such as “Look at her, she is still talking to her ex-husband. Any other woman would have refused to even look at his face. This is what money does. Money speaks in this world. People are becoming very free and immoral day by day. God knows, what we may have to see still.” Common masses in India are still very far away from understanding the concept of mutual divorce hence get shocked and disturbed when they see two ex-couples talking and laughing with each other without caring for society. Indians especially lower middle masses think it is very right to interfere in somebody’s personal life who they know personally. A feeling of awkwardness doesn’t even touch them when they start asking personal questions shamelessly to people they know (just like an employer taking an interview of his employee). Men and women in India feel quite awkward meeting and talking to their old as well as new friends alone especially after marriage. Though youth are heading towards looking at such things in a broader perspective, they are troubled, tortured and intervened by elders and society by asking many questions about their opposite sex friends. Indian society most importantly has been seen to accept two prominent relationships gladly 1. Brother and sister 2. Husband and wife. Due to existence of cousin marriage system, two adolescent cousins could also be considered as lovers by society if they go together to any social function or public place or college together even in today’s India. Indian society being backward in thinking is yet to understand the concept of friendship and meaning of friends by widening their level of thinking mind. ‘There must be something between these two’ is the most commonly uttered sentence by members of Indian society when they see two friends (married or single) talking, going together for a movie sometimes, eating in a restaurant etc. Lower-middle masses still get very suspicious about looking at man and woman relationship if they are not related to each other. Grandmothers, grandfathers, old aunties, old uncles and society’s elderly people often seem to frown at people who are just friends or gossip about them by concluding them to be lovers righteously without knowing the truth or pass their dirty comments and spread it via their backward and orthodox friends. Many young people are seen to ridicule such oldies in their group by calling them ‘rotten mindset, bad mouthed, ill-wishers, cheap thinkers, herd mentality like animals, anti-happiness (because they are unhappy) and who can never be changed.’ A curiosity to look at intersex friendship by Indian society could be compared to a curious monkey who remains curious all his life. These things are happening in India on a wider scale even in the 21st century in cities as well as villages. Only elite class, upper class and upper middle class in India have shown a sensible and healthy attitude towards looking at man and woman relationship positively compared to lower middle class. Social networking sites are becoming popular and have created a unique place in a developing country like India especially among youth and middle aged people. People are spending more and more time on these sites rather than concentrating on their essential activities which could be useful to them in their career. A feeling that someone is there for us, watching us all the time, inviting us by sending ample amounts of requests (especially from opposite sex) for friendship etc is so much new and joy giving to people of India that it has created too much happiness in young and middle aged people compared to old people. It has given them a hope of recognition in life where they were not so recognized by anyone particularly in the past or perhaps recognized by a few friends, relatives and family members. Men and women are seen to chat with friends with cell phones even while having food. Answering to friends becomes the first priority for them than to concentrate on their lunch and dinner schedule. And they also don’t know why they are doing this but it is an irresistible desire which they find almost unavoidable and compel them to chat with their friends for a very long time in a day. Obsession of chatting has reached its peak in each and every home in India among youngsters and middle aged people with some exceptions. The social networking sites have changed people’s lives drastically in India. There are several things happening in most of the homes in India over the issue of opening an account in social networking sites. People (youth, middle aged single and married people, small kids and some old people) have their accounts in such sites for several reasons. Due to such sites people have gone crazy like anything and this craziness has caused tremendous conflicts among couples especially the married ones. People have got addicted to SNS for several reasons. The most common reasons are they are lonely, get opportunities to interact with maximum opposite sex friends to fill the empty space in their life, get opportunities to see photos of innumerable friends and relatives of opposite sex and derive pleasure out of it which might be difficult to obtain without SNS, get opportunities to share each other’s birthdays, anniversaries, outdoor activities of children, trips, summer camps, social gatherings, etc. Women in India have been given several do’s and don’ts about what to write, which photos to upload, which friends to keep by their dominating husbands especially those who come from lower-middle class families. Some possessive men have forced their wives to upload profile picture showing them as married, so that visitors would be seeing their wives with them and receiving inappropriate requests from some men could be avoided. Please read the following sentences uttered by some Indian men to their wives “Only female friends must be there. Upload only fully dressed photos, no new male friend whom they don’t know must be accepted, they must write after they open the account in such sites that they are married and must upload couple photos (so that everybody would know about their marital status seeing them with their husbands together in profile picture).” Husbands say it is for their protection because they care for their wives, some husbands ask their wives about why they need to have so many friends and to whom they want to show their photos. Women are also being pressurized to delete or change some photos which their husbands don’t like or want to be seen by visitors. Some women in India have not yet been given permission to open account in SNS by giving following reasons by their dominating and possessive husbands. These are some common sentences uttered by some men to their wives “What is the need of opening account in this site when I am your buddy? You don’t know how guys misuse the photos. I don’t like this site. For men there is no problem but women must be kept out of danger. If you open the account in SNS I will be hurt deeply. I am your best friend so no need to open the account, you don’t go by your friends’ opinion.” Some men seem reluctant to open their own account in SNS sacrificing their desire to have it in order to convince their beautiful wives who keep insisting to open an account to have friends due to pressure of their friends. It is a true picture of India. Some solutions to this problem could be neither too many restrictions nor too much relationship freedom should be permitted to women so that men, whose intention towards married and single women is not good, could harm them in future or misuse their photos for their own or illegal purpose could be avoided. There has to be a middle path which can truly make people happy and contented without sacrificing their desire to have friends around. Women should also be selective while choosing their male friends since it is proved that photos on such sites have been misused for illegal activities. Men who are extremely dominating have enforced innumerable restrictions on their dedicated, good housewives as well as working wives about opening accounts in such sites. Men must at least think of their women’s desires too instead of focusing on their own self all the time and taking an extreme step by putting all men who are good and not harmful in the bad category. Some men are also seen to operate their wives SNS account along with theirs deciding everything about their wives friends such as which friend to accept or reject or block etc. Some married women have also been given strict instructions by their husbands about not to upload their couple photo in order to keep it a secret about who their husbands are so that they (husbands) can righteously upload their single photos without mentioning a word about their marital status in order to attract maximum female attention. Laughable all this is but this is also happening in India. It seems that marital status for married men compared to women becomes more troublesome, in a way spoils future imaginative fun and reduces probabilities of successful mating with maximum females on SNS in India. These men think innumerable times that they wish they were not married and this very feeling motivates them to invent new ideas about what will attract maximum single females who could possibly accept their request for friendship which might increase the possibility to mate with some of them in future. Just look at the following example: - A rich fearless married man from a village is on S.N.Site chatting for 2 hours on a computer screen at home with some female friends. He has 900 friends on that site out of which 99% are females (single and married both). His wife and seven year old son are also present in the room. His wife gives a casual look at innumerable photos of women on the screen wondering in her mind. His son also looks at some photos of females out of curiosity and innocently asks a question to his father “Dad, who are they? The man answers very happily looking at his wife “Oh, they all are my sisters as your mother knows it.” Social networking sites have definitely done one thing openly and that is it has given people right to interfere in someone’s personal life righteously by giving a beautiful name and that is “A Friend”. People have become obsessive to upload their new photos on SNS in India especially college students. This obsession of uploading new photos is taking students’ valuable time. If a businessman or businesswoman has 1000 friends on SNS for business purpose it is justified and perfectly right but thinking about college students, housewives, professionals, independent men and women who are busy and have family to take care, it might not be fruitful to have so many friends when in real life only a few friends who are genuine, with whom feelings could be shared without any hesitation, who can come instantly in case of emergency if called upon and whose intention to keep that friendship is not motivated by money. In India one can observe in lower-middle class families, many stingy and opportunistic friends even closed ones are seen to ask for financial assistance from rich friends and many times such rich friends may not know the full truth about their keeping friendship only for material reasons rather than for emotional reasons. And if in case those rich friends deny financial help, these best friends who were in touch with them constantly for years will delete their account from their friend’s account for having being denied financial help. In India it is often observed that rich people who have become rich and successful out of their own efforts are always taken for granted for their richness by their cunning friends and relatives only for money reasons in case they are poor, lack the ability to earn money on their own, are of looting mentality, lack self respect and believe in easy money (e.g. borrowing money from rich friends by emotional blackmail as some Indian women have been known to be experts in acting, crying, telling story of their poverty often in an exaggeration form to their rich female friends etc) Some friends are also making each other jealous by doing all kinds of funny and stupid things on SNS. E.g.: - One person goes to USA on a tour and upload his photos with his family, the next year his friend who gets jealous of him takes a huge loan to go to Germany when the same amount could be used for his kid’s education but just to prove that he is also capable of going abroad he takes the loan. People are trying to prove themselves something they are not and can never be. This is a true picture of lower and middle class in India. People were perfectly happy in their own world and now due to other people’s influence they are doing things without knowing the reasons whether they truly want it and why? Due to enforced history of religion, innocent masses got used to believe in anything which was popular or became popular by publicity and repeated advertisements. If 20 friends including relatives of a person tell him/her to open an account in one social networking site explaining its several advantages which they feel right according to their mental capability, he will instantly believe them without thinking for a second whether he needs to be on that particular site or it will truly add happiness in his life. This is what India is. Common masses have a peculiar habit of getting carried away by mob (mob psychology) and hence they think whatever mob is doing is right and hence may not pay attention to those who do the opposite or do something against the so called moral norms set by the society. It is seen that many Indians have strong aversion towards people who are not religious or who declare them atheist openly without caring for opinions of the so called hypocrite members of the society. The concept of privacy is given negligible importance in India even in today’s India except the upper middle, upper class and elite class. For example, if one girl on a social networking site has her account but doesn’t upload her photo by her choice in order to maintain privacy, she will be troubled, ridiculed and asked by most of her friends repeatedly about what is so wrong in uploading photo of one’s own? What does she think of herself? Is she an extraordinary person? This is also a true picture of India. If one person has 400 friends minimum on a social networking site, those 400 friends would know everything about each of their friend’s activities such as one friend went to marriage, the other went on a trip inside India or abroad and would be able to see all the uploaded photos of each event, has some special friends on such site about which everybody will know. In short, everyone will know everything about everyone’s personal life just by being a friend on SNS. Some lovers from social networking sites won’t even know whether they really want to disclose their personal life publicly. India is still a developing country but the speed of its development about many things compared to developed countries is quite slow. Indians are yet to learn many things about pros and cons of SNS as many youth and housewives are still ignorant about privacy settings and may not know the importance of privacy is crucial in life for one’s peace hence are getting carried away by such things only due to pressure of friends. Gossiping on SNS is also increasing among college students, housewives and some men who are jobless, free and keenly interested in it for the sole purpose of getting news of their friend’s personal life and spreading it again and again via same friends. Funny it looks, doesn’t it? The pleasure is derived by not exactly interacting on a physical real basis but through a popular non physical medium of communication e.g. computer, laptops, mobile internet service etc. It will be quite difficult to find out how many Indians are actually meeting and dating each other directly since everything is happening through artificial medium of communication by looking at pictures, writing through SNS and be constantly in touch through the safest medium of communication. So in a way people have got used to it rather have got addicted to artificial medium of communication even for a personal one to one interaction. This could make some people quite immobile and just imaginative sitting at one place. Human species were used to writing letters and talking on phones in the past but electronic media has changed this scenario rapidly by keeping people do all communication sitting at one place. People are talking to computers, laptops, cell phones etc and feel the physical presence of the other person whether it is a lover or friend or relative or parents (who are far from their children). People have got used to this new thing such as talking to photo and then add their comment about liking it on SNS innumerable times after each uploaded new photo of their friends in order to please them. Youngsters along with some middle aged people have gone into constant state of expecting a positive reply from all their friends including relatives about what those people thought about their particular uploaded photos. This constant need for appreciation about photos from friends can depict something hidden inside human mind, and that is humans are social animals and would very much want to be appreciated always by almost everyone they interact with or even strangers sometimes which would satiate their inner desires superficially, make them immensely happy so long as their reply about their photos are positive and up to their expectations. In a way everything is happening through internet and without actually meeting or seeing anyone in this fast, competitive and hurried world. However, one positive thing that has happened in India due to friendship sites and that is it has created happiness, a channel to find or search or look for likeminded friends irrespective of gender without actually making any physical efforts to look for them outside. Due to work load, competition, educated and independent people don’t find enough time to roam around and meeting friends directly but via these sites they can actually interact with them through cyber mode. It has saved time especially for people who are taking education and simultaneously working for a living, youth who are working 12 hours outside, professionals and businessmen who are free only in the evening etc. School friends, college friends, migrated old neighbors and friends who had disappeared for years due to career, business and family commitments could contact and meet their old friends, neighbors, distant relatives through SNS which wouldn’t have been possible without it. This meeting of old friends has added tremendous happiness in people’s life. Some Indians who are narrow minded condemn, get angry and disapprove of such sites due to youngsters’ excessive liking and addiction towards it. Old people in India often wonder seeing youth being happy and in the world of chatting all the time only because during their time such things did not exist though some oldies seem to accept the freedom of youth gladly. Sometimes a neighbor or an old employee of a person who is not in the list of SNS friends comes in cases of medical emergency than the so called best friends who stay close by in the same city. This neighbor or the old employee who is not a friend literally comes at once and proves his honesty by being prompt when called upon is a friend indeed. A friend in a need is a friend indeed could be applicable to those true ones who come to help without expecting any goody goody words, whose intention is clean and not motivated by money like other greedy people who keep friendship with their friends only for monetary gains. Some funny things have happened especially about married men such as many of them have intelligently avoided to write their marital status on SNS instead written ‘SINGLE’ or totally have avoided to write about it and after seeing their profile and blank marital status by their wives, conflicts, fights and sort of marital wars have taken place in India. Some henpecked husbands have written their status 'MARRIED' in their profile only in fear of their dominating wives though reluctantly and cursing them in their mind. Some legally separated men have also written ‘SINGLE’ in their account. Youth who are married very much like to write their status ‘SINGLE’ in their respective accounts. Some married men who have children are seen to avoid mentioning anything about their family. If a single girl goes through such men’s profiles, likes one particular man whom she gets attracted to seeing his photo and various SNS activities, she may speak in her mind ‘Oh, he could be for me since he is just as single as I am.’ How many men can go to what extent in order to seek females’ attention on friendship sites can be answered only by them? It is quite remarkable on the part of Indian Women who have literally ignored and forgave their husbands only due to their love towards them and despite the conflicts over the issue of SNS decided to stay with their husbands only as many Indian women have been known to forgive and ignore their husbands for their flirtiest and promiscuous behavior among females since centuries. And some women are seen to just laugh it off thinking these things wouldn’t really make any difference in their family. Funny all this is, isn’t it? Some Bollywood (Mumbai-based Hindi language film industry) celebrities who are known for their dignity would always prefer to keep their personal life private from public however they are troubled by media. They are constantly followed by media even if they don’t wish to have publicity. But common masses in India are acting weirdly in this case when they have all the means to keep their personal life personal instead making it public among all the friends on social networking sites. Why would people want their personal and intimate photos with their respective lovers and spouses to be seen by all friends and relatives on SNS when love and sex are not yet considered as sacred and essential part of human life in India? Common masses who are the followers of societal rules think that sex is a sin if not followed according to social norms. Middle aged and old people who are the advocates of marriage in Indian society are responsible for spreading this idea constantly among youth such as sex is a sin and evil if had without their verbal consent in which mutual consent of two opposite sexes will not be considered sacred and necessary for happiness. In fact, love, sex and live in relationship are still ridiculed and condemned by majority of common masses due to wrong notions and morality taught by religious Gurus, society and influence of ancient deluded upper class ancestors till date. Let’s assume one college girl has 700 SNS friends that include old and new friends, friends’ friend, friend’s friends’ friend, relatives etc. How many of these would really come to help her in case of emergency? Perhaps a few male friends would come if they are not married to some paranoid personality women or female friends who are not married and are staying close by. How many of so many (E.G. friend’s friends’ friend) will be able to recognize each other if they meet accidently in some social function or party? However, such people will be in the list of friends for years. But if they meet face to face, it will be difficult even to recognize each other unless one of them accidently recognizes the other and reminds him of SNS friend’s list by making use of a popular sentence and that is “DO YOU REMEMBER ME BUDDY?” Liking every uploaded photos of women and commenting about it positively by male friends is quite easy but in case of medical emergency, emotional need and support, such friends tend to disappear or go out of existence for some years till someone finds out on SNS that they are there with some new friends and happy in their circle forgetting the old ones conveniently as every person moves with time and time doesn’t wait for anyone. Some thoughtful people and people who belong to respectable profession in India have doubts about social networking sites friends’ genuine and true assistance in case they need each other. How many of so many friends even those who stay close by would come to help each other in case of need? It is a bitter truth that after people are married or involved in their respective career; they hardly stay in touch with their old friends who were their best and very best friends. These friends were the ones who had given their word in college that they would always be there but practically and in the true world this doesn’t seem to happen though there are some exceptions. Several middle aged people have experienced a bad side of such best friends when they needed them the most, they were not available or disappeared for their selfish reasons or gave reasons of family commitments. These things are happening in every corner of India. Once a person’s adolescent stage is passed and when he/she truly gets engaged in his career or marriage he hardly finds time for his true and best friends who always stood by him when he needed them the most but when their time came, he wasn’t there for them and vice versa. What middle aged people experience when they want to talk to their old friends or need them to share some things of their life is ‘they (old friends) are busy in their family and now it is difficult to get even their contact numbers.’ Once every person realizes this truth of life, he will be able to choose his friends consciously with open eyes on social networking sites and will not give anyone false promises which he won’t be able to fulfill in his entire life span or will not expect any form of unrealistic things (like he or she will always be there) from his friends understanding their commitments to their family. A desire to mate in every human being is very natural, sacred and healthy. Consensual sex between two lovers who are matured, biologically and legally capable to enter into it with a sacred feeling without getting into any societal concepts of marriage could definitely be joyous, intense and orgasmic. Social networking sites have paved the way for people to express their hidden desires indirectly or directly to opposite sexes irrespective of their marital status and the most important thing that has happened in India is it has helped to remove guilt from people for their unexpressed desires which they had been repressing for years and would have continued to do so if some genuine friendship sites had not created their existence in a developing country like India despite her being known totally religious, conservative and caste oriented country. SNS have also helped men and women who are of high intelligence and might not be comfortable to mate or surrender themselves totally to human species lesser to them but through some genuine friendship sites they are able to search, communicate, find their prospective mates thereby reaching the higher realms of ecstasy through the most sacred act of sex in a country like India. It is proved in the history that any new idea, concept or morality gets its place in society only after it becomes very popular over a period of time, often discussed among people and then gets social recognition and acceptance in society as India is also known as a country for guiding its people directly or indirectly through movies, television serials, religious channels, electronic media etc to lead their life by making them follow the personal laws with political interference righteously and morality set by society which is another learned form of morality set by some cruel ancestors of upper class community thousands of years ago and the combination of the above are still followed by millions of Indians blindly and surprisingly without asking any whys and whats to their unstable mind. Considering women’s safety if authority and the SNS come together to take appropriate action against people who could be dangerous to women’s reputation or misuse their photos, information and promote any illegal activities which are harmful to children, India will be able to develop herself in the 21st century proving her to be a rapid action oriented country.
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