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If you've ever been through the grieving process, you know it's not an easy one, and though you may not know it at the time, a support system is of utmost importance. If you've never lost a loved one, it may be difficult to understand the conditions of loss and how it affects different people. In either case, if your goal is to be the ideal source of support for your friend who is experiencing the loss, it helps to have a bit of guidance as to what to say and what not to say. Keep these tips in mind when you first go to visit your newly bereft friend. Try to Stay Away from the Cliché Some things are said so much during the grieving process, they tend to lose meaning. While it may be a bit comforting to know that the deceased is "no longer feeling pain" or "with God now," these statements do little to acknowledge how the person in grieving is feeling and what they can do to relieve their own pain. It helps to truly try to empathize to come up with more genuine and situation-appropriate words. Consider Religion Think about what religion your friend practices (or doesn't practice) when considering appropriate things to say. If your friend isn't religious, it doesn't help to tell them that the person they lost is with God or experiencing an afterlife. Put your own beliefs aside to find words of comfort. Suggestions It may help for the person to hear, "The two of you must have been very close," or "I bet you had some wonderful times together." This could elicit good thoughts and memories for your friend to share and look back on happily. Also, be sure to acknowledge how your friend is feeling, perhaps by saying "It must be difficult to accept," or "You're allowed to feel sadness – let it out." This shows that you're acknowledging them and not just the situation. Sometimes Silence Helps While grieving, some people merely want company or to be listened to. Physical comforting is always a good thing. Simply remember that you don't need to be saying anything at all, and that your company is sometimes enough. Getting Acquainted with Life, Death, and Spirituality It might help to get informed by a church that accepts all beliefs, such as the Universal Life Church, if you want to learn about other beliefs or learn how to see things from another perspective. If you find that you're particularly good at comforting others, you may find it a good idea to look into how to get ordained , as ministers can officiate funerals and tend to have a wider understanding of spirituality.
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